thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
