please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
