Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
We have so much sex to catch up on
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
