Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
