My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
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He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
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Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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