Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
