if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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