Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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