i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
