The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Randomize
