Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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