my phone needs a breathalizer
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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