My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
