is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize