it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
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