I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
