dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
