No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize