my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize