Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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