my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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