she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
