A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
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