marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
