her vagina looked like bernie madoff
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
