Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
