I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
