he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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