That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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