Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
All I want is dick and wine.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
