Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
