If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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