I just threw up on my dentist
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
