maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
