HIV tests are more positive than that guy
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
