new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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