i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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