well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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