his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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