VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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