i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
