If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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