bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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