I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
