I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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