So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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