Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
