at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
