I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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