He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
