im gay
i know
yea but for you.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
