Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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