Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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