So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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