i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
