I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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