Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
my shit smells like andre
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
