if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
