Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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