It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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