Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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