just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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