note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
