I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
