Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
