erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Randomize
