woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
